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Kooky Planet

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You Have Black People Hair!

Recently I watched the new Karate Kid movie with Jaden Smith for the first time. I thought the film was good, but not better than the original. However, the reason I’m mentioning the movie is because of two scenes in the movie that I made my think of my own life. In one scene Jaden Smith’s character is talking to the Chinese girl who plays his love interest in movie. She asks him “Can I touch your hair?” and Jaden looks confused by her request, but lets her touch his hair. The second scene in movie was when Jaden takes his mother to place where they teach Kung Fu to children. All the little children learning Kung Fu come up to his mother and start touching her hair. When I saw this I started to laugh, because I had similar moments in my life. For some reason people always want to touch my hair and watching this move reminded me of some funny moments in my life.

Let me tell you a little about myself. I come from a Middle Eastern background. So, I have really dark, and curly hair. Also, I’m rather fair-skinned compared to most Middle Eastern people so it makes my hair more noticeable for people.  I know I’m not the only one with these features, but I attended high school in the Midwest America. A kid with dark black hair stands out of the crowd with people who are mostly blonde and brown-haired. My father jokes that when he to pick me up from school that he could instantly find me from a crowd of hundreds of kids. My father wasn’t the only person to point out my uniqueness. I use to get all sorts of weird comments from people. The comments were memorable to say the least.  If anything I find these stories to be funny.

The first comment I got was in my first period art class in high school. Everyone was working on their painting project. The kid who sat next to me was painting wrestlers in a match. He decided to paint one the wrestler’s hair black. The art teacher came around to see how everyone was doing with the project. She notices that the kid next to me painted the wrestler’s hair black. She commented “Nobody’s hair is that black”, and the kid pointed at me “His hair is black”. The teacher responded “oh yea…that’s unusual”. I thought to myself “what did she just say?” I decided to pretend I didn’t hear what she said. I wished I said “Yea there are millions of us”. It’s probably for the best that I didn’t say that.

The next weird incident was hands down the strangest. I was at my locker putting away my books. Then a guy I knew from class named Jake and one of his friends comes up to me. “Look at his hair. He has black people hair” said Jake to his friend. Then Jake pointed at me, and told his friend “Touch it”. This kid that I never meet before had his hands all in my hair. I literally said “what the fuck”, and pushed the kid’s hand away. The kid said “oh, I’m sorry”, and I just let it go, and went to my next class. I don’t know what kind guy thinks it is okay to touch another guy’s hair. I will always remember that strange comment “He has black people hair” That probably the strangest comment I have ever received.

I said before that most people who live in Midwest America usually have straight blonde or brown hair, as a result most of the girl’s I dated were either blonde or brunette. It seems like every girl I ever dated loved to touch my hair. I never minded if a girl I was dating wanted to touch my hair, but sometimes it got ridiculous. A funny moment happened when I slept over my former girlfriend’s house. I woke up to find her still sleeping and that she had both her hands grasping my hair. I found this very odd, and I asked her why she liked touching my hair? Her response was “I don’t know, I never been with a guy with really curly hair.” I will never understand why people are so fascinated about my hair, but it makes for a funny story.

Watch the scene from the movie.

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Who is Jesus? Seriously…

My first experience with religion is not ordinary, but it does make for a funny story. To begin to this story I have to say that both parents are extremely non-religious. They are so non-religious that conversation about religion hardly or never happens. When I was the age of seven I went to elementary school in Philadelphia. My mother wanted to get me out of my school, because she didn’t like the neighborhood. My mother would say that there were crack bottles everywhere, but I never saw one personally. Anyway, she decided to enroll me into a private Catholic school in Philly. The only condition to my enrollment was that I had to attend Sunday school.

Literally without any explanation my mom told me that I had to go to this class, and she drove me to the school. I was very confused, why do I have to go to school on Sunday? My mother and I walked into the building, and went to the classroom where the teacher greeted both of us. The teacher was a twenty something woman and she told me to take a seat at an empty desk. When I sat down my mom waved goodbye and left.  Then I sat down listened to this teacher lecture. She started reading a story from a book, and I realize now it was the bible. Yes, I didn’t even know what the bible was. I had no clue what she was talking about, and I was thinking, what’s with the funny language? Thou, shall, cometh, what the heck are all these strange words? Then the teacher started taking about God, and doing good deeds. I also have to mention I didn’t even what God at this point. So, this woman’s lecture literally made no sense to me.  I left my first day in utter confusion. I remember my mom picking me up, but she never asked how the class was. Honestly, I was glad she didn’t ask me anything, because I wouldn’t know what to say.

For the next few months I continued to go to Sunday school. I still had no idea what the teacher was talking about. I remember getting a work book with some interesting pictures of a bearded white man. Who was this guy? I finally figured out the man’s name was Jesus, but the teacher never explained why he was important. Most likely the teacher thought she didn’t have to explain who Jesus was, and why he was important to Christians. Presumably most of the kids in the class grew up in Christian families, and were taught about these topics. You would think the teacher would lay down the basics. Jesus was the son of God and etc., but an explanation would never happened.

I remember the teacher talking about the crucifixion, and Jesus rising from the dead. “Wait, what is crucifixion?” I thought to myself.  It’s pretty fair that a seven-year old wouldn’t know what crucifixion was. I looked in my work book for clues, but there were no pictures of the crucifixion. Most likely the publisher of the books didn’t want to scare little children. Also, when I think about it there were no crucifixes in the classroom which was odd considering it was a Catholic School. How in the world did the teacher expect kids to know what is crucifixion? At the end of the course everybody got a piece paper saying you passed the class. Clearly I shouldn’t have passed the class if I didn’t learn anything. A couple of days later after the class was over I asked my mom “Who is Jesus?” and my mom was stunned. Finally she explained everything, and I learned more in that conversation than the whole time I was in Sunday school. Around my third year of college I talked to my mom about this, and she said “I thought they would teach you everything”. The funniest thing about this whole story is that a Catholic Sunday school failed to teach me anything about Christianity.

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